saving the world before breakfast

Life update.

1. Actively losing weight, actually doing pretty well. I’ve had a bad last two days, but today will be better.

2. I’m sleeping with Jake. Pause. Think. Think more. Accept. Yes, I’m sleeping with Jake. Am I dating him? No, no I am not. I’ve seen him three times over the last week or so, and two of those times consisted of sex-having. I think we’ve both decided that dating and relationships are a bad idea, he because of his confusion about where he stands on religion, and me because I leave for school in eleven weeks. I feel like I’ve waited all my high school career for this time in my life, and I must say, whatever we have going on is worth it. I think. I feel the need to make a pros and cons list:

Pros:
1. I’ve wanted this for a long time.
2. He makes me laugh.
3. He’s comfortable with himself.
4. He’s got that sexy-arrogant thing going on.
5. He’s got that sexy working-man thing going on.
6. He’s not afraid to say what he’s thinking.
7. His ambition.
8. His creativity.
9. Dedication.
10. He’s told the most important people in his life about me.

Cons:
1. I leave in eleven weeks.
2. We have so much pent-up sexual energy that emotions could easily be tossed to the side.
3. I’ve wanted this so long that I could see myself getting attached.
4. I’m never sure whether he actually wants to be with me.
5. I’m always concerned about intruding on his space/life, and I think that annoys him.
6. I feel awkward at his house because I feel like I’m intruding on Joey’s and Willy’s space. I don’t want them to get pissed about a chick hanging around all the time.
7. I’m continually lying to my mom.

Juicy details time. Jake is the first person I’ve had sex with since Mark, and since that was… Fucking nine months ago??? It hurt like a bitch. This time, we went at it three times, and I’m totally understanding the appeal of sex. God, it was awesome. Fun and sweaty and intimate… Just unf. I like his sweaty body. It’s extremely sexy. In fact, it reminds me of when I was growing up and Danny would come home from football or track practice. He always smelled heavenly. I’m definitely a girl turned on by the scent of a hard working man. Jake’s got gorgeous arms. They’re toned from his hours of bricklaying, and I love to grab them as he towers over me. His back has that awesome line stretching all the way down it, leading to his perky ass. He’s not some skinny boy, but oh, is he sexy. He’s a real man.

Anyway… He’s a giant nerd too. He talked me through Star Wars Episodes I-IV as I was falling asleep. I enjoyed just hearing him talk. Especially on such a subject. It was the perfect pillow talk following a near-perfect evening. If only we were actually good at our sexcapades. But, we’re learning. We. Are. Learning. God I love learning.

NOOOOOOO

IT IS DEFINITELY WORSE WHEN PEOPLE AT SCHOOL FIND YOUR OKCUPID PROFILE

OH GOD THE SEX QUESTIONS